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Wednesday, October 17, 2012

On turning 28

On turning 13.
Thrilled to be a teen.
I mentally browsed my diary.
I wanted to find one thing,
That makes me unique.

I could not find any.
I recollected number of paintings I made.
I wanted to register one as a masterpiece.
I could not register any.
I had heard a lot about teens.
I quixotically resolved-
I will be a responsible one.

I meditated – Fun is not yet for me.
I looked forward to be 14 & prove my worth.

On turning 14,
I counted how many prizes I have won at school.
Prizes were many,
Yet not a single one I could keep for my life.

I looked forward to be 15 & prove my worth.

On turning 16, I read Milton’s On His Blindness and found recluse –
Hence for years I waited.

I found myself stuck in the cobweb of expectations.
The greatest expectation came from myself.

I now ruminate and see how beautiful those days were too.
How I struggled to find a reason to celebrate.

Today I turned 28.
Somehow, I feel I have every reason to contemplate –
What a bugger I have been -
Waiting for Happiness...
Like the tramps in the Samuel Beckett’s play.

Nothing has changed.
My masterpieces in writing and painting are still due.
I am not a Bharat Ratna recipient.
I am not sure if I can ever get a Nobel.
This makes me chuckle.

Today again, recollecting the famous movie Guide's song
With Vaida Rehman dancing on the roof top
I feel filmy yet realistic.

I feel like a bird -Independent,
Liberated from the shackles of expectations-
Free to think -
Free to move -
Completely enjoying the gift of Simple Thinking.

All I wish is a short simple life.
Honesty be my ornament
Creativity as my best friend….
Freedom to think and act wise,
Wisdom to be free…
And yes, I kept counting my material accolades.
This year when I made my FB Birthday public –
I saw I have so many reasons to smile.

Friends who cared to stop by –
Friends who wished me today,
Friends who remember me-
I want to be there for them, in the best way I could be.
Thank you so much for your so loving attention.
You made me feel special.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Khatmal

Vo khud se bechain tha
Per meri bechaini ki dawa sa tha
Duniya se gussaya,khafa sa tha
Per mere har sawal ka galat-sahi lekin jawab tha vo
Uski cheekh me shor nahi tha
Mere chillanne per bhi shant tha vo
Vo khudgarz tha, nashe me tha, deewana tha
Aur mujhe uski aadat thi

Bewkuf, pagalaya sa tha vo
Per jaisa bhi tha mere bahut kareeb,
Mera hamsaya tha vo

Mujhe bhanak to thi-
Ki mera gurur jhoota tha
Par itna ajeeb lagega socha na tha

Aaj vo gum ho gaya hai
Aise lagta hai mujhe jaise power cut hai
Phone hai par balance nahi
Laptop hai, per internet nahi
Sab ruk gaya hai
Calendar to fir bhi aage badh gaya hai
Bheed me ab bhi vo dikhta hai
Tanhai me chubta hai

Kabhi naram bistar sa tha jo
Aaaj vahi khatmal ho haya hai

Monday, October 8, 2012

auto phobia



Until it became necessary for my work to use lifts,
I was claustrophobic.
Until he made it necessary for me to use my loneliness
I was auto phobic.
Phobias are mere figment of imagination.
When necessity intervenes,
We realize how we can overcome fear so effortlessly.
Some fears are sweet
Some are sour
Some come true
Some get a bamboo.
Some animals are tamed at home.
Some go to zoo.
Some settle down,
Some become Yahoo.
Phobias get customized.
They are better lived.
Lift made my life easier.
Being self-dependent is making things simpler.